Dead Or Alive: How Is My Relationship?

Dead or Alive: How is My Relationship?

Toxic- of, relating to, or caused by a poison; poisonous.
Healthy- implies full strength and vigor, as well as freedom from signs of disease; emphasizes the absence of disease, weakness, or malfunction; prosperous, flourishing.
A toxic relationship is any kind of personal connection I have with someone that makes me worse and not better. (I call this a “Bobby/Whitney relationship).
A healthy relationship is any relationship that makes me better rather and not worse.

A. Toxic Relationships
2 Corinthians 6: 11- “Our mouth is open to you, Corinthians (we are hiding nothing, keeping nothing back), and our heart is expanded wide (for you)! 12: There is no lack of room for you, but you lack room in your own affections.
1) Our biggest problem in life is not necessarily other people, the pastor, our church, our job, our friends, or situations; it is our own affections that get us in trouble.
2) The real enemy is us, our flesh
3) We hurt or help our own selves by the things that we feed in us. We cannot continue feeding something that is killing us and expect it to die.
14: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith). For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness? 15: What harmony can there be between Christ and Belial (the devil)? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? 16: What agreement can there be between a temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God; even as God said, I will dwell in and with and among them and will walk in and with and among them, and I will be their God , and they shall be My people. 17: So come out from among (unbelievers), and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord, and touch not any unclean thing; then I will receive you kindly and treat you with favor.”
I. Everyone that we allow to come into our lives will affect our purpose somehow.

II. Toxic Relationships don’t just happen overnight. They start with a “seemingly innocent” connection and then develop overtime. It was a toxic connection the moment it happened; a lot of times we’re just too “in love” or too desperate for company that we don’t want to accept the fact that it is toxic in the beginning.

III. Toxic relationships limit our usefulness for God and limit us to only benefitting the other person’s selfish wants. These kinds of relationships are manipulative whether they are friendships or romantic relationships.

IV. Our need to feel loved and accepted can cause us to ignore the signs of a toxic relationship in the beginning. The signs were always there; we just chose to ignore them because of things such as lust, insecurity, loneliness, the desire for attention or belonging, etc.

V. Signs of toxic relationships: a) controlling and manipulative b) they cause you to make decisions that you will regret later c) often forces you to isolate yourself from those who love you and can help you d) you can’t be free to be yourself; you feel you have to be something you’re not in order to gain something you can’t have e) often interfere with your physical health. You often feel stressed out from trying to please the other person because you feel like nothing you do is ever enough f) the happiness you may feel is fake and temporary and only contingent upon whether the other person is happy.

VI. A lot of us are frustrated with not being who we could be because everyone we’re tied to is less than where we are going. You cannot hang with people contrary to your purpose and expect to meet your goal.

VII. Many of us are loving people who are not our equal- we are unequally yoked.

VIII. Many of us act like children- people that don’t know how to restrain their emotions. We don’t know how to put boundaries on our passions. We continue in sinful activity and get married to justify it.
Examples of a toxic relationship: Samson and Delilah and Samson’s dysfunctional relationships: Judges Chapters 14-16.

B. Healthy Relationships.
I. Before we can have a healthy relationship with another person, we need to gain a proper understanding of who we are in the Lord. From that we can determine who we are to be in any relationship. Until our identity is in focus, our relationships never will be.

II. Signs of a healthy relationship: Love gives, lust gets. Love is patient, lust is impatient. Love is selfless; lust is selfish. Love is kind, lust is unkind. Love does things that it knows will benefit the other person and make them better not worse.
1 Corinthians 13: The Love Chapter (Scripture Reference)

III. I must learn to love myself before I can love anyone else. If I don’t like myself it will manifest in how I treat other people.

IV. Anyone who does not like their own self is not qualified to like you.

V. Signs of a healthy relationship: a) encourages you to be your best b) doesn’t intentionally do things to hurt you c) tells you the truth no matter what d) looks out for your best interest e) a good friendship is able to stand through hardships f) will not talk about you to others behind your back and not talk to you face to face g) does not add drama to your life but adds flavor.
Example of a healthy Relationship: Ruth and Boaz
Ruth 4: 13-15: “So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord caused her to conceive, and she bore a son. 14: And the women said to Naomi, Blessed be the Lord, Who has not left you this day without a close kinsman, and may his name be famous in Israel. 15: And may he be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher and supporter in your old age, for your daughter in law who loves you, who is better to you than seven sons, has borne him.”
Example 2: David and Jonathan- 1 Samuel 20: 12-17 (David was equally yoked with a brother and friend who was his answer and not his problem)

VI. Don’t be afraid to hang with people who are smarter than you. This is the only way you will get better. Get around people who make you feel dumb; however, at the same time, don’t feel intimidated or inferior (this drives some people away from healthy people to toxic people because of insecurity) Get around people that can stretch you and force you to grow higher.